Fighting a war that I can not win

Have a happy thanksgiving. Holidays suck...

Skye
"The mask we hold with us only 'causes pain when we wear it. Who's wearing their mask today? **hands raise slowly including the speaker's**"

I'm bored...

I woke up to smoke a ciggarette and winded up having to take Larry, (Jesse's stinky friend), to his house because he wrecked his car. lol. He really Really smells bad. It's cold here... lol nothing is going on. I'm bored. Alex is "dancing". Anyway.. so uh... 9:30 in the morning... on the good side though... since I went to take Larry my mom bought be breakfast from Mickey D's. ok... I'm bored... buh bye.
Andrea
liquidgeneration.com
that's a funny site...

About a year ago I was sure I had it all figured out. I knew how the world worked, and I was all set and ready to tear it up. It's been a year now and I'm pretty sure that the only thing I know for sure is that i don't know much at all.
I was sure that high school was hell and pointless. High school is my only shot at a future. I was sure that I had to learn to stand alone and rely on myself. Who can really do that though? Everyone needs help every now and then. We'll all hit hard times, and at some point or another we'll all realize that it's not our job to figure it out.
I've called myself a rebel. Lol. What is there to rebel against, the people that love you and in there own way try to help you? Sure there are unjust rules and unfair laws and regulations, but what does this "rebelling" do to fix it? Nothing.
It seems that during these past few months I've struck out blindly at those who care most about me, and all for the sake of rebellion. I hurt a lot of people, and I wish I could do it all over again. The realization has finally hit me though, I can't. I can't go back to my dad's house, crawl into a hole and allow myself to be treated like a toddler. I can't even find the words to express my feelings towards my dad. I love you dad. I'm sorry. It just doesn't seem to cut it. Don't get me wrong... I love my mom too and I don't regret the decision to move here. I just wish i had gone about it in a way that would've been a little less decietful and hurtful.
I've learned a lot living with my mom. I learned that no matter what life throws my way I can take it. I've learned that my mom isn't the horrible person that I had made her out to be. I've learned that every now and then you have to let someone else take up the slack, but that procrastination can cause a lot of problems. I've learned to love my mom for all that she is, rather than to dislike her for all that she is not. I have a relationship with my mom that I wouldn't trade for the world.
My dad. Wow. That's been a touchy subject here lately. He did his best to show me the world in the only way he knew how. He is in all respects an awesome father and a loving dad. I know that he'd never do anything to purposely make my life harder. I learned a lot while living with him too. I learned that no matter where you are or what you do there is always someone watching over you. I've learned to work hard and try my best. My dad is the first person in my family to have a college degree. I'm so proud of you dad. You're about to have two degrees, and you're still not slacking off. You work hard for what you know to be right. You love your life and that is truly admirable.
Sally. I have been horrible to you. I would go through periods of treating you like poo, then apologizing and promising reform. I hadn't ever really changed though. I've apologized to you and then gone right back to treating you horribly I wouldn't blame you if you refused to believe this. I am sorry.. I lived with you for about 8 years right?I learned more for you than anyone else in the entire world. I've learned that no matter how dumb I've been i can call you and you'll still show up there to dig me out of the many holes I've dug. I learned how to eat at a table like a lady, and yes, that too was I think, the first step in self respect. You took me to a five star hotel as a punishment for acting retarted and you taught me so much in that one week.
The point is, I suppose, that you've all been there through everything... even when I didn't want you to be. you never gave up on me, even though I had given up on myself. And for that, I thank you all.
I don't know what the turning point was. I'm not even sure if there was one. A week or so ago I was in what I thought to be a major accident. (It just scared me, it wasn't that bad.) I was driving down kemp to go to the smoke shop, I was in the right lane. I ride down kemp at least 10 times a day, but always in the left lane. Anyway it was night time and there's a lamp street light thingy that wasn't working that night, I was in an unfamiliar lane, and I ran up over a curb. There was a lot of popping and banging and screaming, and crying. I'm not at all certain of the details of the whole thing, but I do remember what I thought the moment I realize that I had screwed up. "God, please don't let anything bad happen to my family." God. I think that was the first time I prayed in at least a year or so. I'm not saying that I'll be attending church regularly or anything. I'm not even saying that I'll start reading the Bible every night. I'm just saying that this whole God thing should deffinately be given a second chance. The first thought into my head was a prayer to a god that I was very adamant about hating. Just makes you think, eh?
Another thing anyone care to make a wager on how many grades I failed this year??? NONE!!! **happy dance** go me, go me, go me. Lol. I think when I saw my report card with not a single grade below a B on it, that that was the first time in a long time that I've been proud of myself. ok. anyway I hope you're all well, and I just wanted to say hey! So... Hey!

Andrea

Hey guys. it's cold, I like cheese, and what else is there to say?

T

Reds are motivated by POWER, seek productivity, and
need to look good to others. Simply stated,
REDS want their own way. They like to be in the
drivers seat and willingly pay the price to be
in a leadership role. REDS value whatever gets
them ahead in life, whether it be at work,
school, or in their personal relationships.
What REDS value, they get done. They are often
workaholics. They will, however, resist being
forced to do anything that doesnt interest
them.

Reds need to appear knowledgeable. They crave
approval from others for their intelligence and
insight. They want to be respected even more
than they want to be loved. They want to be
admired for their logical, practical minds.
REDS are confident, proactive, visionary, and
can be arrogant, selfish, and insensitive. When
you deal with a RED, be precise, factual, and
direct.


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